Mer ([info]stakebait) wrote,
2005-05-10 22:46:00
A short Spike/Angel snippet. Early ATS season 5. Self-rated PG. Mutant Enemy characters, not mine.

"You just have to tell them how you feel, that's all."

Spike likes Fred, he really does, and not just because she's skinny and half-crazy, or because he's grateful to have a body that can grip a shot glass and crush a lime to sticky pulp in his hand. He reminded himself of this so that he wouldn't ram a plastic stirrer up her left nostril to see if he could mix the smart back in.

"Test that hypothesis, did you, pet?" he said instead, and poured another round without dripping a drop on the stainless steel gurney that served them for a bar.

She slammed it back like a pro and only spoiled it a little with a tiny cough and widened eyes. "Yeah."

"How'd that go for you?" Spike asked.

"It wasn't a statistically significant sample," she enunciated with exaggerated dignity. "Gimme the salt."

Spike left it where it was, just out of reach. "Admit it, talking never goes well."

"You evil salt hoarding fiend," Fred accused.

Spike quirked an eyebrow. "I need it to spice up my bloody boring unlife."

Fred squinted, trying to focus. "Did you really season your victims?"

"Nah," Spike sent the salt careening at high acceleration, but the reigning Wolfram & Hart air hockey champion caught it just before it went off the edge. "It's like edible underwear. Fun for a lark, but not worth the effort. Can't taste it after the first drink anyway."

Fred winked. "Can't taste anything after the first drink. Switch to the nasty stuff."

Spike eyed her appraisingly. She couldn't be that pissed if she was snaring flying condiments. "Cheap date you are."

Fred lifted her glass in a toast. "You said it! All you have to do is not be evil, or condescending, or a demon, buy me a funnel cake and I'm yours for life!"

Spike passed the employees of Wolfram & Hart under mental review. "So you're not seeing anyone, then?"

Fred folded her bare arms on the table and rested her cheek in the hollow of the nest. "No," she said. "Not since Knoxy wanted me to wear this weird blue wig in bed. Which you can NOT tell Wes about, okay? I'm already behind schedule this month, I do not want my best lab assistant turned into kinky Swiss cheese."

Spike nodded. "Got it. No sex with cheese."

Fred picked her head up and laughed. "You're drunk."

Spike shook his head. "Not nearly drunk enough."

"C'mon," Fred coaxed. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"He mocks me mercilessly for the rest of eternity."

"Besides that."

"He tells Buffy." Spike shuddered.

Spike could see Fred opening her mouth to offer more peppy encouragement. Drastic measures needed to be taken.

"You know how you meet some guy and forget his name, and by the time he's chatted you up for twenty minutes it's too late to ask?"

Fred nodded. "That's why I make my whole department wear name tags. Ah, the awesome power!"

Spike ignored the digression. "It's the same thing. You can't walk smash up to a bloke and say "by the way, I've been in love with you for a hundred years, sorry I forgot to mention it but work's been a bitch, you know how it is."

Spike's voice had gotten rather tight and loud; he gentled it with an effort. "So just leave it, love, will you? Least said soonest not getting my bloody head ripped off and fed to me."

Fred's forehead wrinkled. "There's something wrong with that sentence."

Angel's voice came from behind them. "Yeah. Since when do you work, Spike?"

Fred whirled around and several strands of her loose hair whipped Spike across the cheek.

Spike poured himself another shot and downed it before he bothered to turn. "You get lost in the building again? Hit the intercom, I'm sure security'll send a Saint Bernard with a bottle of O Neg round its neck."

Fred found her voice. "Angel! How long have you been there?"

Angel shrugged casually. "Bout a hundred years."

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[info]thebratqueen

May 11 2005, 02:58:33 UTC 7 years ago

Cute.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 02:59:47 UTC 7 years ago

*grin* Thanks!

[info]sluggirl

May 11 2005, 02:58:38 UTC 7 years ago

Yeeeeeeeeheehee. I love this.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:01:24 UTC 7 years ago

*grinbounce* Thanks! It's the first fanfic anything I've been inspired to write without a prompt in ages.

[info]doeeyedbunny

May 11 2005, 03:00:57 UTC 7 years ago

Damn girl!
You are so very good at this.

Lovely job with the language too.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:03:12 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you so much!

[info]merriehaskell

May 11 2005, 03:12:12 UTC 7 years ago

*incoherent squeeing*

Oh, come on! You can't stop there!

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:15:54 UTC 7 years ago

Hee! Thanks! But I have to. I'm a tease my Angel voice sucks. Oh, the trauma of having an OTP you can only write half of.

[info]magarettt

May 11 2005, 03:15:19 UTC 7 years ago

Eeeeheeeheee! Lovely. So rarely is drunkenness written with such poise and flair.

A blue wig in bed! ::falls down giggling::

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:17:54 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you! I'm glad my Illyria joke wasn't in *too* terribly bad taste. I couldn't resist.

[info]valancy

May 11 2005, 03:19:42 UTC 7 years ago

Fabulous last line, and spot-on voices.
*snuggles fic*

It's like a nice, familiar quilt...

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:21:48 UTC 7 years ago

Awh, thank you! I feel all warm and cozy now.

[info]buxom_bey

May 11 2005, 03:26:10 UTC 7 years ago

So nice, so very, very nice.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:28:13 UTC 7 years ago

*bounce* Thank you!

[info]justhuman

May 11 2005, 03:28:49 UTC 7 years ago

*smooch*

Like this lots -- good Spike goes without saying, but your Fred is great too. *love* the image of the St. Bernard with the O-

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:35:38 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you! I'm glad Fred worked -- she's always tricky for me -- and the dog too. (And now inner Angel is making jokes about blood hounds, and I'm picturing a puppy playing with Protocol!Wes's cat, because I'm insane.)

[info]wackinessensues

May 11 2005, 03:31:39 UTC 7 years ago

That was just cutey patooty Mer.

*snuggles you*

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:37:30 UTC 7 years ago

Yay! *snuggles back* Thank you so much!

It's a nice change to write cute instead of disturbing once in a while. :) Heck, it's a nice change to be writing.

[info]wackinessensues

7 years ago

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[info]jadelennox

May 11 2005, 03:36:03 UTC 7 years ago

Awww!

Plus, love your Fred. And Spike. And Fred 'n' Spike.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:41:04 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you! *grins* I've never had an inner Fred before. I wonder if she'll stay.

[info]lynnenne

May 11 2005, 03:45:08 UTC 7 years ago

I loved that! You had me giggling from start to finish. Loved this:

He reminded himself of this so that he wouldn't ram a plastic stirrer up her left nostril and see if he could mix the smart back in.

And especially this: "It wasn't a statistically significant sample." Snort!

Blue wig... BWAH! And the last line had me grinning like a loon. *smooches you all over*

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:51:06 UTC 7 years ago

Yay giggles! Thank you so much. I'm especially glad you liked the sample line, because that was the one that made me laugh writing it.

[info]janedavitt

May 11 2005, 03:46:48 UTC 7 years ago

So darn sweet. Lovely last line that had me doing a double take as it sank in.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 03:52:36 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you tons! I'm glad the last line made you look twice.

[info]mpoetess

May 11 2005, 04:28:37 UTC 7 years ago

"Bout a hundred years."

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww∞

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 13:54:03 UTC 7 years ago

Hee! I got an aw! With extra Ws! *smooches* Thanks.

[info]mpoetess

7 years ago

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[info]meko00

May 11 2005, 05:07:33 UTC 7 years ago

Awww, so cute. Lovely drinking session with lovely voices. And, Spangel!

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 13:54:37 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you so much.

[info]tenebraeli

May 11 2005, 07:16:21 UTC 7 years ago

Freaking brilliant, from the Fred!voice to the very last line!

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 13:54:59 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you! And I love your icon.

[info]halimede

May 11 2005, 07:45:07 UTC 7 years ago

What they all said: mix the smart back in, blue wig, and oh, the name thing (and name tag power! eee!). Wonderfull. :)

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 13:56:00 UTC 7 years ago

Danke! How often I have wished for the name tag power. When I am queen of the world, everyone will be clearly labeled.

[info]ex_dovil323

May 11 2005, 07:53:46 UTC 7 years ago

I melt with the wonderfulness of it all. And drunk funny Fred, and that last line. Just what I wanted to read. :D

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 13:58:10 UTC 7 years ago

Just what I wanted to read

Awh! Thank you. Always glad to provide that.

[info]kita0610

May 11 2005, 09:13:47 UTC 7 years ago

I love your Spike voice.

Who knew you give such good Fred?!?

*happy sigh*

StA?

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 14:02:10 UTC 7 years ago

*bounce* Thank you sweetie!

Who knew you give such good Fred?!?

Dude, not me. I dunno where the hell she came from, but this is me not arguing.

StA?

*blink* Really? I mean, sure, yes, please, of course, but isn't it a bit lacking in actual story?

[info]kita0610

7 years ago

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[info]stakebait

7 years ago

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[info]sangpassionne

May 11 2005, 11:10:02 UTC 7 years ago

Oh, just lovely. I wanna hug it and adore it. Thank you.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 14:05:11 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you so much! Now I wish I had a cuddlier icon, something with Puppet Angel.

[info]astarte99

May 11 2005, 11:49:19 UTC 7 years ago

Awh. So cute. The Illyria reference made me groan (just a little bit), your Fred was awesome (hee! air hockey champion!). And the cuteness is overwhelming. Thanks for sharing. *floats away on a happy cloud of OTP slashy thoughts*

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 14:07:59 UTC 7 years ago

Thanks a million! Sorry about the groanage, and I'm glad you liked the air hockey reference!

[info]zing_och

May 11 2005, 13:14:55 UTC 7 years ago

That's very cool fic, I have to say. The Illyria joke made me giggle. And I could hear the conversation very clearly, the voices are great. Thanks for sharing!

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 14:10:03 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you so much! This is my first real try at Fred voice, so I'm extra glad it worked.

[info]violethamster

May 11 2005, 14:04:49 UTC 7 years ago

Hee! Wonderful, funny Fred lines, and the last bit made my heart go all fluttery.

[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 14:12:54 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you so much!

Your icon is beautiful.

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[info]stakebait

May 11 2005, 18:21:09 UTC 7 years ago

*blush* Thank you so much. Seriously. That means the world to hear.

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[info]stakebait

7 years ago

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[info]stakebait

7 years ago

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[info]stakebait

7 years ago

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[info]stakebait

7 years ago

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[info]stakebait

7 years ago

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[info]makd

May 11 2005, 22:29:08 UTC 7 years ago

I love this like pancakes. Just delicious!

[info]stakebait

May 12 2005, 14:27:27 UTC 7 years ago

Awhhh! Thank you!

Now I want pancakes. :)

[info]greenstone_j

May 11 2005, 22:29:44 UTC 7 years ago

Oh, I love this...love, love, love this!! The Drunken!Fred and Drunken!Spike are just perfect and made me laugh all the way through, and then the big "Awwwww!!!" at the end. Nice. *happy smile*

[info]stakebait

May 12 2005, 14:32:40 UTC 7 years ago

*grinbounce* Thanks a million! And your icon is adorable.
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